The Guy’s Guide to Creating the Key of Success

The Keys

Six months ago during the summer of 2012, I began to change my life because I wanted to… no, because I needed to. I had to change something or I was going to implode on my self, explode on everyone around me, and all-in-all self-destruct. Scroll down to the first title in bold, if you wish to skip my story.

I felt this way because I had lost hope. Hope is the belief in the possibility of what you desire, and is the last remaining sediment when all other parts of a life or a dream have been boiled off. I had found myself standing outside behind the house of apartments where I live, smoking a cigarette. The weather was warm and I was shivering… shaking so badly I couldn’t even fit my hand in my pocket for my keys. The pit in my stomach was so strong and deep it could have swallowed the earth, the moon, and the rest of the solar system. I felt an overwhelming sense of nausea and sadness. I kept choking back vurps as tears rolled down my face and my body convulsed intensely without control. I felt a weakness all through my body and the risk of collapsing where I stood. Instead, I moved to the smoking bench I placed in back, and I got there just in time. My eyes couldn’t focus, my heart was racing so hard that I felt hot and my chest hurt, my hands felt like plastic limbs, and I gasped for air just trying to breath.

Am I having a heart attack? Can I manage to call 911? How can I get to a hospital? My mind was zooming at warp speed, scattered and dashing for anything that I could understand.

I understand, now, I had suffered a breakdown.

For months afterward, I was unable to stay at work. I burned through a lot of sick days and vacation days. I failed to do any work with my fitness customers because I was a fitness coach. My depression was deeper than a bad country song.

My self-image had been incredibly self-deprecating for more than a decade. Despite moments of precise clarity and some teenage years of perfect social presentation, a battle waged internally continued to devastate and demoralize the populous and infrastructure of my self identity.

Around September 2012, my life changed through chance, serendipity, a cosmic explosion, or accident. I wasn’t just dragging myself along anymore. Someone in the vast world of strangers believed I had something significant to contribute. They wanted me for their business. I hadn’t asked, but I was looking.

Executive Thinking

I became… the executive.

This change in self-perception resulted in a drastic, over-night change in how I dress, how I thought, how I conducted myself with others, how others accepted me… it resulted in a total change in my state, or being, inside and out. This is drastic because I have never been more than a lower-level laborer at every workplace, and I unknowingly reflected that image at all times everywhere I went.

I suddenly poured as much money as I could, sometimes over stretching my budget, into tools to develop myself into the executive I needed to be at this new prospective job. What I discovered was that I was investing in the executive that I already am. The feelings of success at my fingertips, hope over flowing with absolute belief and clear vision, the confidence of achievement… it was all self-image. Now, it is a process of sharing this with the rest of the world.

Let me share with you what I share with my guy friends who’s feminine counterpart has gotten the better of them.

You are not look for permission. You are not looking for approval. You have evaluated the information at-hand and have kept in mind all important considerations, and you are being decisive in action that you believe is best within your governing values and vision/goals. Everybody else, including [her and] your friends and family, can follow or leave, but you are strong and consistent in walking your path.

3 New Things We Are Thankful For

  1. The prospective of a management job, and the company’s action of blowing me off after the initial contact.
  2. Shift change and a week off from work has given me a relaxing and free time with family and friends.
  3. The people who support me (giving me fuel), and the people who say I can’t do it (giving me fire).

Journal 1 positive experience in the past 24 hours

A very close friend of mine has been suffering from depression for years, and I have had to watch it worsen and worsen. It takes its toll on me, and I do what I can to help. Most of the time I simply provide a positive support. Periodically, I will try to make a change, and I will fail as many times as I try. However, I am very happy that something I shared has made a difference. I have shared links to videos, books, webpages, and all kinds of stuff that I hope will grab my friend’s interest. But, it took watching a serious of TED Talks videos before making a difference. He enjoyed the series of videos, and then “stumbled” across a video with information to help find happiness. For his birthday, I bought him the book written by the speaker.

Exercise – because our behavior matters

My only exercise during this mini-vacation at a friend’s house has been chasing my son around his mother’s house and the play area at the mall, and chasing my friend-host’s dog around the house and yard. Doesn’t sound like much, but it is more intense than 1 hour of P90X!

Meditation – to clear our mind

At night, in the quiet stillness of a dark living room, I allow the pond of my mind to reflect upon the day and the greater meaning. Each night while visiting, I have been able to do this. Although I have gotten little work done while here, I have gotten more meditation, relaxation, and fun in this environment than I normally would at home.

Acts of Kindness

Acts of kindness is the hardest part for me to share because I often have difficulty picking an act of kindness. Which is it? Was it good enough? Is that really an act of kindness or something I do normally? So, I got help from my host.

I am told that I am an enjoyable houseguest who is easy to invite back again.

Smiles

Journal 1 positive experience in the past 24 hours

Queen’s Blade is an anime that appeals to my boyhood fantasies. I know I am an adult, & I do not get too excited any more watching movies with girls running around, like Baywatch, or seeing girls in real life imitating the sexiness of Marilyn Monroe. This anime, though, someway, somehow speaks to a boyhood fantasy of scantily clad, sword wielding, ass kicking, giggling girls who give you plenty of eye candy.

By awakening my lost, younger, & freer inner-boy, I found my self lost in the unrestricted glee of a time without the weight & shackles of “responsibilities,” or headaches, as some say. In that, I found a simple happiness & joy unbound.

Exercise – because our behavior matters

I did not exercise more than simple chores, i.e. laundry.

Meditation – to clear our mind

I did so bicycling & sitting outside at my friend’s house. His back patio is shaded & provides a decent cubby for thought. I thought on a recent invention idea, my current & future time allocations, & how consciousness can be included in mainstream science/physics as part of the physical world. Can consciousness be defined as matter? Or, which of the for energy categories will consciousness fall into?

Acts of Kindness

I made four people smile, laugh, & engage in some fun conversation.

Let’s Do It, Again

Three New Things I Am Thankful For

  1. TEDtalk videos available on YouTube. I often begin my day with a TEDtalk playlist I have saved, showering and/or doing chores around the house with it playing in the background
  2. My bicycle, so I may cost-effecticely commute around town without using fuel, as well as getting exercise. The sense of freedom and adventure every time I ride takes me back to my childhood. It is an amazing feeling
  3. Sunny days. It reminds me that possibilities are endless, someone somewhere may be smiling about me, a new day means new adventures and new beginnings, and I can do all the outdoor summertime activities I like

Journal One Positive Experience Within The Past 24 Hours

I feel better emotionally and more confident in my plan of action (POA) regarding a part-time job. I worked out some concerns and obstacles with a friend concerning how I can coordinate a part-time job with my long-term expectations of higher income/living standard and my time with family. Now, I finally feel I can run full steam ahead with my POA on my efforts to supplement my primary income.

Exercise

When I ride to work, I ride 5.8 miles one way. Today, I rode to the coffee shop I really enjoy, which is 2.97 miles one way from my home. It is a beautiful day! And, I wish to enjoy it! Riding my bicycle is not only a health & wellness activity for me and the planet, but my bicycle is also a tool to reduce my fuel expenses.

Meditation

I can often meditate while performing an activity. Perhaps not all activities, but some. Frequent activities I can meditate during are: showering, cleaning, martial arts, watching a previously seen movie, and sitting in the dark in my home. Today, I meditated while riding my bicycle to the coffee shop. It was refreshing mentally and physically.

Act of Kindness

I emailed a good friend of mine how much of a special friend he is to me. I shared with him the things I enjoy with him, the positive expectation I have looking forward to our next meeting and the opportunity to hang out, and that he is a person I like. Sharing with the person you like him/her can sometimes mean more than other things you can say.

First Cup

Three New Things I Am Thankful For

  1. Help from timethief making changes to this blog so I may begin the project. (timethief’s blogs: one cool site & this time – this space)
  2. Family, new friends, old friends, and the diversity they each bring into my life. If you were all the same, I would only need one of you, but I am glad you each are different.
  3. This new, adventurous, scary, exciting, full-of-potential direction I am embarking on, partially inspired by a friend pursuing the ideal of living her dream. You have reminded me that when working to live my dream, the only thing I have to lose is itself, my dream I wish to live. And, that’s no bar line, either. 😉

Journal One Positive Experience In The Past 24 Hours

Everyone seeks three things in life: autonomy, mastery, and purpose (Daniel Pink’s TEDtalk, Surprising Science of Motivation). Although I try to pursue my writing – blog(s), novel(s), poetry – with the due diligence of professional occupation, an amateur feeling still lingers within. Moreover, my daytime, full-time employment does not allow me to utilize my creativity and ingenuity to a small measure, if at all. Consequently, the sum of life has been low on autonomy and purpose. However, there is no shortage of mastery, but a desire for more atop what I already have. I have had a governing value since eight or nine years of age, and solidified during basic training for the Army.

I strive for excellence in all that I do.

This time, last year, I recall telling friends, “I feel that I am at the edge of a great precipice; leaning over the edge just before leaping.” Near Christmas (of 2011), I was saying, “I feel that I have jumped and am free falling down the face of that great precipice,” but I did not know to where or why. Now, I know.

I feel exuberant and alive to chase “living my dream” as a creative! I am applying for part-time employment with companies seeking creative persons. They are often writing and/or marketing positions. Even though I have zero experience and zero college education, I still feel confident in my ability to secure employment. My resourcefulness, personal improvement philosophy, wide knowledge of various subjects, balance of deduction and intuition, and creativity give me an edge over other applicants, once I get into an interview and in front of a person.

Be the person you want to be, live the life you want to live, and you will have those things true to your heart.

Exercise

My day-time job usually gives me plenty of exercise. However, I did not perform any additional exercise, say at home or at the gym.

Meditation

I do not meditate in the stereo-typical way most Americans think of meditation – sitting quietly with legs crossed in an empty space. There are many times through my day in which I will simply stop, and others will see me “zone out.” I stop doing, thinking, and sometimes will stop breathing, as I have been told. In this moment, I clear my mind of all things, and allow my self to be receptive to all things. It can last a few seconds to a few minutes, or I can do it for a half-hour or so. In this moment of meditation, time disappears. I never know how long I am in this state. Although I can easily initiate (or, allow the meditation to come over me), it is more difficult for me to end it and return to the “real world.” I will often look at the clock before I let it happen. Or, I will leave my eyes on the clock, so when I “come to,” I will know the time difference.

Today, I meditated three times. Sometimes I become incredibly inspired/creative, but I was refreshed after my meditations, today.

Acts of Kindness

While I was checking recycle sites, I thanked half a dozen people or so for recycling. I like to remind people that someone cares they are recycling. The responses I get are proof enough of what I am doing: they smile, they talk, they liven up.

I thanked my fitness coach for all the time and effort she takes sending her group emails on upcoming events and informative tips.

I smiled at a stranger walking past who looked very distressed and exhausted. She smiled back and brushed her hair back with a blush. As I continued working, I saw her look back at me and smile, again. I am glad I took her mind off of her worries, even if it was just for a moment.